I am sitting here in a parking lot, early for a job interview. My DREAM JOB. I have never had a dream job. This one, however, marries my love of event planning with the leading Canadian company in fitness and professional accreditation. So, why so glum? It was an 88km drive here, on the paid toll highway (probably a $10 trip here). And as a familiar heaviness weighs in my gut, I am reminded of why it is important to follow your heart.
I left my commute and sedentary desk job a year and a half ago. And while I salivate at the thought of a steady pay cheque and being able to get my nails done once in a while, I just can’t. I actually yawned on the way here… yawned! At 1:15pm. C’mon. If that’s not a sign, then…?
I’m going in though. Maybe there will be an amazing silver-lining and I can work four out of five days from home. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
20 minutes pass…
I’m back in my car. Want the good news or bad news first? Well the good news is, I looked awesome in my purple skinny jeans, snake-skinned high heels and rockin’ tank. The bad news? I was honest. I sat down and the healthy, beautiful, mulit-aged ladies smiling at me asked how the drive was (typical ‘get the candidate to relax HR tactic). I told them, “It was long. Really long.” The look on my face said it all. The hiring manager asked if we should continue; so I continued to be honest.
I told the lovelies that it took an obese existence and being so completely detached from my body for me to realize that the familiar smell of ink toner and the maze of cubicles are both parts of my previous life that I no longer want to welcome back. That sitting in my car for anywhere from 2 to 3 hours a day brings back a familiar heaviness in my stomach that I instantly felt when I pulled into the parking lot. I told them a bit about my weight-loss journey and how it has taken me a long time to realize what I don’t want. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes.
I told them this job was for me, but the circumstances just aren’t right. I wished them well and much thanks for even considering me for this position.
Lesson today? Continue following what you feel you need in life. Recognizing at least what you don’t want is a good start. And I know the job and the work would have been great, but right now, I cannot exchange my sanity for a paycheque.