I don’t have the answer. No one does. All I can do is help shed some light on the journey of re-inventing my own life.
I thought my story was written. I thought my life and path were set. There was no magical epiphany for me. No diagnosis that had me facing my fear of death in exchange for life. There was nothing that really set this going for me and quite honestly, I don’t know how quickly or how slowly I will get to my finish line, or even if a finish line exists, but I’m waking up every day faced with my demons and fighting as hard as I can.
I read a lot about weight loss. Food equations, strength training vs. cardio, the mental work that needs to happen so the body catches up, but it wasn’t until this morning that I truly embraced one, fundamental reality of this so called billion-dollar weight loss industry – there isn’t anyone that can give you the answer. The reality is, until you are ready, 100% ready to start to re-invent your life, the start line will always be there.
I joined Weight Watchers over 20 times, Herbal Magic twice, bought Deal a Meal, did the replacement shakes, green bean coffee bean pills, appetite suppressants. I have done all but surgery. And you know what, all of these would have worked, if I was ready. Yes I’m eating better, more often and have virtually removed ALL processed/packaged food from my diet. Yes I workout and run on occasion. But it is the reason WHY I do these things that matter.
I faced a childhood trauma when I was eight. At my most vulnerable age, I was left unprotected, and therefore harmed. With this, I turned to food for comfort and protection and learned very quickly to mask my feelings. Food to me was never about fueling my body. Food to me was about feeling safe when my world as I knew it as an eight year old girl came crashing down. That was almost 30 years ago. My why, or motivator, as to my re-inventing my life now is the realization that I deserve it. I owe the little girl inside of me the protection she needs to move on – prove to her that we can do this on our own and that food was here while we needed it but that it’s purpose has changed.
I am doing this because I deserve this. I deserve to experience joy in helping other women and young teens realize that they too can make change in their lives. I deserve the life of an non-obese woman. I deserve to work in ANY industry regardless of my size or weight. I deserve to live life openly and honestly and with fault.
I am doing this because I’m ready and because I deserve it. And until you are ready and you realize you have the strength to make change, no blog or diet or book or new fitness routine or personal trainer will get you there. There may be a spark that is ignited, but it is all you!
And I know you can do it.
Time to re-invent. It’s pretty fucking awesome.