I may be redefining the steps to my journey, but here is a small list of things I no longer miss. Sometimes it is just good to know where you were and where you are now, and for sure, where you will never be again! Thanks, Jen B. for reminding me this morning of where I was to where I am today. Your insight and reflection opened my eyes!
For those who have been overweight, who are overweight, or have every wondered what being overweight is like, this list is just some of the life experiences I will never welcome back.
- feeling ugh – you know, when you’re sitting down in the car and your belly is sitting peacefully on your lap. My lap was made for my babies’ when cuddling, a solid place to clap my hands when playing, and not for my extra rolls to take a nap. No more looking down and feeling ugh!
- chafing thighs – no longer will I carry a small bottle of baby powder in my purse to dust up in the ladies’ room during hot summer days out. The small red rash is no more. Ya, these thighs may never be permanently apart, but the room they share with one another has down sized and the leg lifts have proved to be worth it! See ya!
- back fat – I once tried to squeeze up to the podium during a training session, sucking in my gut to fit between a male Store Manager up against the wall and the chair I was vacating. As he put up his hand to guide me, his hand hit my back. I could feel the excess skin and fat giggle on my back. A feeling I will honest never forget. My back fat is just two little minor indents now, no longer holding real estate under my bra strap. Bye!
- lifeless lingerie – now this one is not so much a physical result but definitely something that switched in my head about 12 months ago. I never understood sexy lingerie. I mean, what’s the point if in moments it just ends up in a ball rolled up on the floor? But, there is something very womanly, very feminine, very liberating in getting in touch with the goddess in you. I was once white bras and Froot of the Loom underwear. Now, I am black lace, red bodice, purple straps and sexy-inspired under-wear. For no other reason than to look how I truly feel inside. My cotton panties make their way back for those days that I need a little comfort, but I rarely get ready without lacing up and taking a quick peak in the mirror and honouring the changing body staring back at me. I am beautiful, every step and every stretch mark along the way!
- wondering if I’ll fit – man oh man! What a terrifying, take-your-breath-away moment when you are faced with a situation and you don’t know if you’ll fit. When going through my Personal Training certification, I was the only one who was/has gone through life overweight. As me and the other five perfectly fit and slim trainers-to-be entered the gym for demonstration training, I piped up (often as I do!) and asked, “What if the client can’t fit into the seated leg press?”. The looks I got from the others was terrifying. Can’t fit? Ya!!! Can’t fit. You know, the opposite of ease and grace. Trying to smoosh yourself into something that was clearing not made for your body is really one of the most debilitating moments of anyone’s life. While I may be faced with a few more of those moments, they are not as frequent as they were! I can say I confidently recognize my shrinking size and I am happy to know my limits.
- plus size stores – nothing more to say!
- that my kids’ lives where happening without me – I remember time and time again, I would be the parent on the bench, focus not on the play yard but on my phone, not participating. Being the parent that would seem involved but not! Well, as things have changed, my perception has. I am now the parent (and really, the ONLY parent), that has her swimsuit on in the splash pad playing with her kids. I have been to three pads this week alone and I was it. Parents need to turn to their children and mirror how they live life – active, moving, exploring, taking their time to discover. My kids lives are now happening with me as a participant and student and I love it. So much to gain from their way of living, it has been eye-opening at what I have missed.
Just a little reflection as my week starts out great! I am looking forward to so much over the course of the next stage in my journey and will continue to share honestly, and often as I am motivated daily by all of you who continue to read and reflect!